Old Wounds and Demons

You can run from your demons.  You can try to hide from them.  In the end though, I think you have to make peace with them, or at least accept that they’ll always be a part of you.  I don’t believe you can exorcise them but maybe, just maybe they will diminish their hold with time or at least not make their presence known very often.

For the most part I’m at peace with my past.  My demons and I have come to terms.  I realize they will always be with me but that doesn’t mean I will be held back by them.  It was important at some point to excavate the dark places within me, dark places we all have, to shed proverbial light on them so I could stop letting them rule me and my life choices.

The thing about old wounds and demons is that sometimes you have no idea they are running your life until you do really take the time to figure out why you’ve hit a wall or why the same negative patterns keep repeating.  You have to go so far down the rabbit hole and into what feels like the crawl space of the Universe to the source of your souls’ unrest.

I think everyone has a Dark Night of Soul.  For some it takes a short period of time but for others like me, it takes years to move beyond the things that hurt you deeply.  Old wounds have that power.  They can hurt even though you think they’ve healed.

Last night, as I began to shut my mind down, images of my childhood abuse came up front and center.  I wasn’t thinking about my past and still today have no clue as to why my mind decided to play these movies on a continuous loop.  In the past I would have spent hours reliving these nightmares but thankfully time and much learning have helped me to be able to change my thoughts.  I breathed deeply and filled my mind with other more productive thoughts like wishing Peace and Love out from me to the Universe.  Soon I fell asleep.

It has been many, many years since I was young and yet the old wounds and demons are still there deep down inside.  Who knows why they choose to resurface.  Maybe it’s the full moon, or that my energy level is down, or maybe it has to do with global warming and continental shifts.  I don’t know.  I just know that like meeting an acquaintance from the past I acknowledge them and move on.  Yes, the wounds are there.  Yes, I will not just survive, but thrive.

I sincerely hope that each of you wrestling with whatever brings you down can learn to put the demons in their place and find a way to overcome the obstacles that hold you back.  The mental ones are hell to deal with but deal with them you must.

Life in all its messy glory is meant to be Lived to its fullest.  No regrets.  No time wasted because time is something you can’t get back.

Live.  Learn.  Move on.  Wounds, Demons and all.

Peace.

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The Red Cape

Did you ever run around with a red sheet tied around your neck pretending you were a superhero?  I did.

I spent many days thinking I was invincible.  Maybe it was the glory of youth that had me swinging from tree limbs and climbing up rock walls, or maybe that’s the ignorance of youth that comes with realizing what you think is your life stretching so far out in front of you that you can’t comprehend the end.  I’m not sure but I do know I did a lot of things that I might not do now having realized I’m not going to live forever. 

I also believed in the impossible.  I believed dreams do come true and I knew, somehow, in a deeper part of me that I was connected to everything.  I also knew as much as I was entertained by cartoons like anyone else that there wasn’t anyone that would save me.  I knew I would be saving myself. 

I was my own superhero.

I never looked to anyone else to bring me that far horizon. (a nod to a certain pirate on that one)  I knew without a doubt, even as young as I was, my fate, my destiny and my dreams rested on my shoulders and if I stumbled under the weight of the fantastic future I saw for myself, well, then, I’d simply have to step up and keep going.

Clearly, I grew up with a strong sense of Self.  I also knew I was more powerful working with others than I could ever be alone and I knew if I truly believed, I could make a difference.  Maybe I couldn’t leap buildings in a single bound, or see through walls, but I knew obstacles were just that.  They were many and varied but they could be overcome and this is just as true for one individual as it is for the World.

So, I say, dust off that red cape and be Fearless.  You can overcome.  You can rise up and reach your stars.  You can if you believe.

We can.  If we Believe.

Peace.

Do You?

I still believe in Magic.  I believe in the impossible though I don’t always understand how it’s made possible.  I believe my life is a Gift.  I believe I am here to experience the Experience.

Back to the magic . . . as a creative soul I have been blessed with a vast imagination and thankfully when I was young I wasn’t told to rein it in. . .  Literally.  I didn’t have imaginary friends when I was little, because I wasn’t allowed to be around horses, I invented an entire imaginary stable.  At recess I would head all the way across the fields that were the playground of this rural school and between two maple trees, I kept my horses.  You always knew when I was tending my friends because I would hold my right hand a bit above my head because, well, I was small and the horses in my stable were tall so as I guided them with a lead rope I had to raise my hand into a small fist and walk around.  Unless of course I was riding them and that was an entirely different gesture which I’m sure looked several shades of abnormal if you didn’t know what I was up to.

I knew animals could talk.  I knew beyond a doubt that if I could ever find the end of the rainbow not only would there be a giant kettle of gold coins but a little man clad in green to award it to me.  The cereal, by the way, didn’t help matters in a young mind.

Laughing out loud.  🙂

Even before the herd, I remember believing the thunder during storms really were angels bowling or some such thing.  I wasn’t afraid as I lay in my bed at night; I merely wanted some proof that some otherworldly thing was at work.

And later, when I had grown and was introduced to an amazing array of fantasy authors, I believed in dragons and when I was an adult and I was lucky enough to actually visit actual castles I smiled to myself as I thought about those fierce, scaled, winged, fire-breathing beasts.

I still believe Twilight is the most magical of times, the moment when two worlds collide, the living and the next.  I believe in the magic of Belief meaning if you believe it, it can Be.

I also know that as much as my curiosity might wish to know the ‘Man Behind the Curtain’, I’ve no real desire to have many of my questions answered.  Mystery and Belief are such important parts of who we are and what we do.  I don’t want to know everything can be explained.  I have been witness to things that defy explanation and I am quite happy not looking under the rug per se.

I am still full of questions, more now maybe than even when I was younger, but I also know in the end, it doesn’t matter.  The Universe works the way the Universe works.  My belief in any superstition or myth does not affect the outcome.  I am not in control.  And knowing how it all worked wouldn’t make me more in control.

So, for as long as I am given . . . here’s to the Leprechauns, and Birthday Wishes coming true.  Here’s to the Imaginary Friends and the Hope we all carry for each other.  Here’s to the Unexplainable and the Mysteries.  Here’s to the Unknown and of course and always . . . the Magic that is Life.

Peace.

Recipe for Soup

This was referred to on the last post for those who want to try it.  I will confess to liking different spices and for being a vegetarian who is trying to become vegan so I am writing from the perspective of no real meat in the recipe however, I think you could substitute as needed…

First things first . . . bring 8 cups of water to a boil with 4 cubes of Not-Beef bullion.  Set aside.

In a deep large saute pan add…

2 Tbsp vegetable oil – I used grape seed oil

1 pkg Gardein Beefless tips

3 cloves garlic minced

1/3 cup chopped white onion

1 1/2 cup water

1 Tbsp Lime juice

1 Tsp Orange Peel

1/3 cup orange juice

4 sprigs fresh Thyme

1 Tsp. Oregano

1 Tsp. Salt

1/2 Tsp crushed red pepper

2 Bay leaves

1 Tsp Cumin

1 Tsp Chipotle

1 Tsp Smoked Paprika

Start by adding oil to hot pan.  Then add onion and garlic and then Beefless tips.  Cook until onion is transcluescent then add the water, orange peel, orange juice and all the spices.  Bring to a boil and then simmer with a lid on pan.

Oven preheat to 450. And roast poblano, jalepeno and tomatillos.

2 Poblano peppers

1 Jalepeno pepper

8 tomatillos

Add roasted poblano peppers and jalepeno and tomatillo along with 1 can hominy to ingredients in saute pan then add 1/2 cup shredded green cabbage, let simmer on low for another 45 minutes.

Add all the broth ingredients to 8 cups Not Beef broth, add three chopped red potatoes.  Boil and then simmer until potatoes are tender.  I continue to simmer for quite a bit because I want everything to mingle and socialize so there are layers of flavor.

Once I determine this is ready to serve I ladle enough into each bowl, add fresh chopped green cabbage, a little Queso Fresco on the top and serve with corn tortilla chips or warmed corn tortillas to sop up the oooey goodness.  If not a vegan you could top with sour cream as well.

It’s better the longer you allow it to cook at a low heat or even hold it over for the next day.  You be the judge.

Enjoy Happiness in a bowl.

Peace.

PS.  In the past I added Cilantro but this time I left out . . . go figure…

Soup

Soup has got to be one of my most favorite things to eat and to make.  For me making soup is therapeutic.  It takes time to make a good pot which means I know while I’m in the process I am focused and aware of the moment I am in.  Making soup captivates me and for those moments I am aware of nothing else.

In the hours that pass in the creation of the soup I do jump ahead and let the smells that rise into the air and tickle my nose make me salivate in anticipation of what it will taste like in the end.  I have recipes for soup sure, but I seem, for whatever reason, to never make it the same way twice.  I am always adding something or deleting something.  It’s not that it wasn’t good the first time, I’m just a curious soul and I like to see what else I can layer my soup with.

Like my post below about quilts, I think soup also represents us all.  If we take all of the Happiness and Love we wish to see for the world and we continue to carry the Hope that one day we will see this world as we can see it Now in our Hearts and pour this Positive Energy into the Vessels that we are and share this energy with all those who are Open, then I believe we have the ability to make the most wondrous soup ever made.

I love soup for many reasons.  I love the time it takes.  How old some of the recipes are.  I love the Love that people put into their creations and I love the end result, the smile on the faces of those gathered around to sample what has been driving their taste buds mad for hours.  Soup is at its most basic form liquid Happiness when shared.  And I am glad to be able to have been given the skill to make that Happiness.

So, as the wind still howls and the snow drifts remain, I say, enjoy a bowl of homemade soup and enjoy pure Love & Happiness.

Peace to all We are.  Peace to the Soup from the Melting Pot called Humanity.

Peace.

Quilts

I am a simple person.  I do not have an extraordinary education.  What I’ve learned has come from the School of Hard Knocks, as my father used to say, or rather more by the seat of my pants than from any class or book.

Maybe I would be a different person had I studied harder in school.  Maybe I’d be further down the path toward Enlightenment if I’d have finished college.  Funny, but I think I’m okay with who I am . . . Now.  But it sure did take me a looooong time to get here.

If I know one thing about myself I know I am colorful.  My past is more akin to the peacock than the sparrow.  What I mean by ‘colorful’ is that I didn’t just have a peaceful life.  I worked hard and struggled harder but in those struggles and work, grew my character and  every situation gave me more color.

Some situations brought more darkness than light, while other memories still shine brightly.  There were many bold colors in my youth, perhaps a mark of fearlessness or stupidity, I’m not sure which. 🙂

There were times in my life when all the colors I’d collected were muted, washed out, and then there were times when everything was more vibrant than ever before.

This has been my life.

I never really appreciated the beauty of a quilt until now.  I look upon them with the same reverence one does with a precious treasure because I think we are all quilts.

We don’t go through life exposed to only one shade or color.  Just think of how boring that would be.  Instead, for better or worse, we are made up of all of our experiences, each one a different color.  By the time we are well into our lives, we are rich with the colors of our Life.

Since I do not believe in wasting time on regrets, I am thankful for the colors in the quilt that is me.  Here’s hoping you are too.

Peace.

The Vessel

I believe we are Vessels and we are born into this world devoid of all things dark . . . Prejudice, Negativity, Sin, Hate, Greed, . . .

I believe we are Vessels full of all the beauty that is Creation and the Universe.  I believe when we come in to this world  we come believing in Magic and the Impossible and the Beauty of Dreams no matter how silly adults may make them out to be.

One only has to look at a child’s smile to realize this.

But, we forget as we move on through the Journey and we let the things that shouldn’t matter fill our Vessel until we find there may be no room left.

And then, if we are lucky, we move past the physical confines of the Vessel and we acknowledge we are limitless and beyond ending and that every ending we may perceive is only a beginning even though it may be one we do not immediately recognize.

So we empty the Vessel that is us at the WayStation of Life, the place of the Crossroads, the point we begin to look back on our lives to see what we are really made of and we begin again.

You are that empty Vessel.

What will you choose to fill it with Now?  Will it be with limitless Love and Light for all?  Will it be Peace and Beauty and the collective that is Humanity . . .

Or will it be with the negativity, fear and ego that will hold us all back?

It’s your choice.

It’s always your choice.

Peace.